A plus side to the Shockey comments
The Cowboys have two opportunities this year to put him in the hospital. A nice broken limb should knock him down a couple pegs.
Shockey calls Parcells a 'homo'.
In a related story, Webster's dictionary just added a picture to help better depict the meaning of the word a-hole.
Bucks name Terry Porter head coach
Perhaps Terry Cummings and Sidney Moncreif weren't available... but seriously, bravo to the Bucks for steering clear of the vat o' retread coaches.
Clarett blows off meeting with Marcus Allen
What would Allen know about playing RB in the NFL anyway?
Clippers inform Odom they will not match any offer
... thus bolstering Pat Riley's negotiating position.
A-Rod open to a trade
If history is any indicator, expect GM John Hart to get a couple mediocre pitchers in return.
Jason Kendall on the trading block
Kendall's the last remnant of the supposed "up and coming" Pirates squad from a few years ago.
Sehorn breaks foot, out for ten weeks
We tried to get odds back in June but Vegas wouldn't touch it.
Bears sign Casey Urlacher to three year contract.
The same Casey Urlacher they cut in minicamp. Word is the Bears are giving Brian's sister Betty an "extended look" at free safety.
George Karl blames Mason acquisition for his downfaill
Yeah. If only the Bucks had kept Scott Williams instead, they'd be wearing championship rings right now...
Manning, Colts think it's their year
Reminder: Peyton Manning has never won a big game. Not in college, and not in the pros.
Lakers sign Horace Grant
Efforts to coax Jack Sikma and Cedric Maxwell out of retirement proved unsuccessful.
Reds axe manager Boone, GM Bowden,
Boone was no surprise but Jim Bowden was one of baseball's best general managers.
Gary Carter, Eddie Murray, voted into MLB Hall of Fame
Congratulations, but are you going to bounce your grandkid on your knee some day telling them about Carter or Murray?
Yankees acquire 46-year-old Jesse Orosco
Hopefully, those nasty prostate exams won't interfere with his pitching availability.
Knicks GM wakes from slumber, trades Sprewell
Sprewell goes to the T-Wolves, Terrell Brandon goes to the Hawks, Glenn Robinson goes to the Sixers, and Keith Van Horn goes to New York.
Crouch quits. Again.
"If I can't play quarterback I'm going home, and I'm taking my ball with me." Hey Eric, you can't play QB.
Stadler wins B.C. Open
We figured if he skipped the British Open, he'd probably be doing a hot dog eating contest somewhere.
Bucks give George Karl the boot
That snicker you hear is coming from Doc Rivers in Orlando.
Bulls sign Pippen
No word on that possible Brad Sellers signing.
Kobe charged with felony
Apparently "I would never do something like that" does not include something like cheating on his wife.
Clippers will match Heat's offer for Brand
It takes someone as evil as Satan to combat his powers.
Griffey out for season
Another year of potential wasted. When is he just going to give up already?
Orlando denied salary cap exception for Grant Hill
Perhaps the NBA has learned from the Alonzo Mourning fiasco from a few years ago.
Spurs nab Nesterovic
Rasho chose San Antonio over a return to Minnesota, and (of course) the Knicks.
Dodgers sign Ricky Henderson
Next stop, playoffs!!!
Stackhouse arrested for assault
Soon we are just going to have to run down the people in the NBA who didn't get arrested over the summer.
Juwan Howard set to sign with Orlando
Not the rebounding/shot blocking machine the Magic need, but at least it's a 2nd scoring option who has a prayer of playing 50 games a season.
NCAA invstigates Clarett over money funnelled from LeBron
Of course LeBron wasn't supposed to have any cash since his mom didn't work and his dad was in jail, but that is all just an unimportant fact from the past.
'My decision is going to be based strictly on winning a championship,' Kidd said
Yet I'll stay with the team who got beat because they'll pay me and Jumanji 7 Million more. Here's to Karl Malone sweeping your ass Jason.
Kidd staying in New Jersey
Rumor has it Kidd fell asleep while listening to Tim Duncan talk.
Clippers reach into vat o' retread coaches, hire Dunleavy
Yeah, let's not give Dennis Johnson a chance. Instead, let's bring in a guy whose entire career has gone downhill after Magic Johnson led him to the Finals in 1991.
Vikings' Bennett may miss 2003 season...
...and for the umpteenth year in a row, the "sleeper" Vikings may not go anywhere.
Kidd: If Byron Scott stays, I go.
Rick Carlisle was fired, why not Scott?
Boy injured at A's game after cherry bomb thrown from stands
Apparently Raiders fans do attend A's games.
Cubs' Baker: Black and Latin players better equipped to play in the heat
Didn't Jimmy the Greek get fired and promptly disappear off the face of the earth for similar-type comments?
Corey Patterson out for the year
Though not the star of the team, Patterson's torn ACL is the prelude to what will be yet another Cubs collapse.
Devil Riley is back
Anthony Carter conveniently FORGOT to pick up his $4.1 million option for next year, giving the Heat $11 million in cap space instead of $7 million.
Kobe Bryant arrested on felony sexual assault charges
No wonder LeBron got so much more from Nike.
If Payton signs with Lakers, Malone to follow
Imagine Malone, Payton, Shaq, and Kobe fighting for shots. The mind boggles.
Vancouver gets 2010 Winter Olympics
Its one hour multimedia presentation featured a song by Bryan Adams -- no seriously.
Al Davis at trial insists if Oakland hadn't lied to him he'd have relocated to Baltimore
That sound you heard was the collective sigh of relief from every resident of Baltimore.
Heat waive Eddie House
Wait... how could Riley willingly dump the NBA's next superstar?!
Knicks eyeing Celtics' Walker
"My philosophy is that you can never have enough undersized overrated power forwards" quipped Knicks GM Scott Layden.
Alomar traded TO the White Sox
Optimists will tell you he was traded AWAY from the Mets.
T-Wolves acquire Cassell
And in the blink of an eye, none of Milwaukee's "big 3" remain. But at least they've got Joe Smith & Toni Kukoc to show for it.
In first interview with ESPN about MNF gig, Guerrero mentions live-in boyfriend
Women can't understand this about men - we KNOW we don't have a shot, but we still wince when we hear it.
Cleveland's Gund: 'There is no player for whom we would have traded this pick. There is no team.'
Of course every high draft pick in the NBA is a sure thing.
Knicks grab Maciej Lampe in second round
Who woke up / kidnapped Scott Layden?
Celtics fleece Grizzlies
Whoa, what is this, 1981? Has Michael J. Fox been informed?
Mark Prior strikes out 16...
Cubs bullpen BLOWS..................another game.
NBA Draft Tonight
Can we just skip the theatrics and go straight to the #4 pick?
Citing 'unfinished business,' Roy Tarpley applying for reinstatement to NBA
Word has it some chick in San Antonio promised Tarpley a twinkie & some X.
Guerrero replaces Stark on MNF
Smart move by ABC. Replace the hot Melissa Stark with the equally hot, if not hotter, Lisa Guerrero.
ACC adds Va Tech and Miami...
Gone are the days of the ACC Champ going undefeated. Bobby Bowden perched on rooftop.
Krzyzewski supports adding Miami, but not Syracuse or BC, to ACC ...
...which I'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that Syracuse and BC have legitimate basketball programs while Miami is a doormat.
Hasek considering return to NHL
Does any athlete actually know what it means when they say they are going to "retire"?
Michael Sullivan named Boston Bruins head coach...
...narrowly beating out Kevin Flanagan and Seamus O'Malley.
Tyson arrested after getting into a brawl
See Canseco comments.
Canseco arrested for steroid use
stop me if you've heard this one before
Bears release Casey Urlacher
Someday I'll be bouncing my grandkid on my knee telling stories about watching Casey play. It's the end of an era and he will be missed.
Podkolzine withdraws from NBA draft.
"pulling out", "pituitary gland", it's like high school health ed. class all over again.
Larry Doby dies
He was a perennial All-Star and the first black player in the American league. You don't get a lot of recognition being "second" though Doby might have found that a good thing.
ACC to consider inviting Virginia Tech along with the other three targeted Big East schools
First they propose adding three schools, then just one, and now four? There's "not respecting tradition", and then there's just plain being pricks.
Grant Hill likely out for another year
We can decode the human genome. We can land on the moon. But we sure as hell can't fix an ankle.
7'5" Siberian NBA draft prospect may have pituitary disorder
Fortunately for Celtics fans Chris Wallace still isn't calling the shots.
Beckham signs with Real Madrid
Most of the Real sports are idle this time of the year.
Big East may expand to 16 teams
Unfortunately, 5 of those schools will be soccer-only.
ACC to add Miami alone?
You know the old TV plotline where the ordinary schmo is relentlessly hazed during his attempt to get into a fraternity and he disses his true friends in the process, but the fraternity is just yanking his chain and just picks the popular guy anyway? I think this was a "Happy Days" episode.
Dunleavy top choice as Clippers coach
This is the same franchise that was dumb enough to hire Chris Ford a few years ago. We give Dunleavy 3 years, max.
Colts looking to lock up Manning long-term
Maybe he'll sign a big contract extension and get hurt for a few games so his backup can lead the Colts to the Super Bowl.
Blue Light Special at K-Mart
20 bricks for 23 cents, now at participating New Jersey K-Mart stores.
Kournikova's injury keeps her out of Wimbledon
This nagging back injury can't be good for her likely post-tennis career.
Lucious Harris' revolutionary 'hands around the neck' free throw technique fails to catch on
We can't all be innovators.
NBA and NHL seasons mercifully end...
...and America turns its attention to baseball - um - I mean PGA and NFL training camp.
Non-Tiger wins US Open
The PGA's existing investigation has now taken on Whitewater proportions.
Nets choke in fourth quarter, Spurs roll to title on 19-0 run.
"There are FORTY eight minutes in a game?" Richard Jefferson was overheard asking.
Yankees are 'no hit' for first time in 45 years
It's really getting time for Jeter to go back on the DL.
NHL -- I mean -- NBA playoffs move on to game four
Wake us when its over
Jets meet with Akili Smith - Saints, Seahawks, also interested
It shows you how litle respect the Bengals receive when so many teams are convinced it MUST HAVE been THEIR fault.
Hornets hire Tim Floyd
Is this team trying to get run out of its second city?
Kordell Stewart reportedly having difficulty grasping Bears' offense
In a related story, the sky is blue.
Brian Griese signs with Dolphins
He will start for them at some point during the regular season this year.
Rockies shopping Gabe Kapler
Teams have inquired whether Epstein and Horshack are also available.
Packers interested in Akili Smith...
...and the Pack's existing backup QB's are Doug Pederson and Eric Crouch. The plan is for Bret Favre to play until he's 80.
Broncos sign Danny Kanell
Good to see they've insured themselves against a Jake Plummer meltdown.
'If I was guaranteed I wouldn't get caught, I probably would'
Seattle's Bret Boone on using a corked bat. So if they're guaranteed they won't get tested for drugs. . .
Carlisle to intrerview with Clippers
Rick, you're on the rebound, DON'T DO IT!
'Corkin' Sammy Sosa Ejected
Even Cub haters would tell you they liked Sammy...liked.
Former Red Sox Shea Hillenbrand reportedly calls GM Theo Epstein 'faggot'
This was in response to Epstein personally flying to Toronto to inform Hillenbrand he'd been traded. Welcome to the major leagues Theo!
Silas to become Lebron's beeyatch
Word is, Van Gundy didn't get the job because he refused to guarantee playing time to certain players. Think they were talking about Carlos Boozer?
Peter King: One of New Jersey Devils owners overheard asking 'what quarter is it'?
Yep, way too easy to get an NHL franchise.
Rockets considering Dunleavy as coach
Sigh. How many more Byron Scotts or Doc Riverses must be successful before teams stop reaching into the vat of retread coaches?!
Cavaliers hire Paul Silas as their new head coach
Apparently K.C. Jones and Bill Russell weren't available.
Clemens stuck on 299...
...which was also the case during the last four years of his Red Sox career.
'Its not all Mike Tyson's fault'....
that is the title of Ralph Wiley's latest 5,000,000 word essay that can be summed up in 8 words. "Tyson is black. It can't be his fault."
Source: Pistons to hire Brown
You suppose Danny Snyder rejects dumping a non-flashy competent coach for the flavor of the week?
Sehorn not attending practice
Not a good way to revive your career.
Insult to injury...
not only will Larry Brown or some other retread take over the team Rick Carlisle built, but they'll also add soon to be superstars (Donnie) Darko or Carmelo Anthony.
Pistons Fire Carlisle...
He won the conference and went to the conference finals all with Chauncey Billups as his go to scorer. This is just a classic case of too many "name" coaches being available.
David Cone to call it quits
C'mon, Dave! You've only had 3 consecutive mediocre seasons... the "Ripken rule" mandates that you play at least 5 more years!
Wizards jettison Doug Collins
Maybe if Doug brings back his Bulls-era afro, he'll stop getting fired.
Van Gundy and 76ers meet - mutually determine they're not a good fit
Why don't we see more if this in sports? It would save some teams and coaches a lot of trouble.
Gettin' Jiggy with it
Someone wake me up when Emilio Estevez shows up for the Ducks
Owens to skip passing camp - Erickson's reaction: 'Hopefully he'll be here next week'
Losing control a little early there Dennis? I had December 1st in the office pool.
Ralph Nader group writes to Lebron recommending he think of the poor shoe factory workers
Wouldn't you love to see the reaction of Lebron and his hangers-on when they read that letter?
Sox intentionally walk bases loaded against Yanks - then unintentionally walk home winning run.
It's not a curse - it's stupidity.
Pete Prisco strikes again
His "top 50" NFL players report for CBS Sportsline includes no less than four New York Giants. The list itself is laughable overall (Favre #10?, Urlacher #2?).
Patrick Roy to retire
Cal Ripken fans everywhere are wondering why Roy didn't do a "farewell tour" or play 10 years too long.
Steinbrenner levels barely veiled criticism at Joe Torre
Here we go again. Has major league baseball in the last 50 years had a bigger asshole?
'I consider myself a student of the game, so Larry Brown would be great.'
That quote was from "grizzled NBA vet" Lebron James on Brown's possibly ending up in Cleveland.
Toronto sweeps four-game series in the Bronx
Georgie Boy may start his annual spending spree a little early this year.
Gil de Ferran wins Indy 500
Americans are much more likely to know Dale Jr.'s underwear size than who Gil de Ferran is.
Indy 500, former marquee event, becoming an also-ran
One more reason to get pissed off at NASCAR. It helped ruin "real" auto racing.
Annika misses cut
What a shame!
Tomjanovich eyeing retirement
A guy you don't hear much about anymore, but a tremendous player and coach.
Chargers: Flutie to remain backup in 2003
We didn't think it would last even a half-season, let alone two.
Dillon predicts Bengals will win AFC North
Of course given the teams in the AFC North this may not be as ludicrous as it first sounded.
Detroit lands #2 pick in NBA draft
Was Otis Thorpe REALLY worth it, Grizzlies fans?
No fix for the Knicks
With every NBA Exec waiting to pounce on him, David Stern couldn't hand Patrick Ewing, uh, I mean LeBron James to the Knickerbockers.
Kournikova withdraws from French Open
That's one round sooner than she was expected to last.
Titans' McNair arrested on DUI, Weapons charges
With their talent and coaching, the Titans should have won at least one super bowl in the past 6 or 7 years, but weird and crazy things, whether it be injuries, off-field incidents, or tackles at the one-foot line, seem to befall them.
Ottawa forces Game 7 with New Jersey
Please tell me there is no way possible for a game 8. Please.
Nike hands Lebron 90 Million...
and a coach is supposed to be able to tell this kid what to do?
Let the localized Lebron Mania begin
Tonight, some lucky town gets to add this fine man to their citizenry. Methinks Mr. Stern has already decided who it will be.
Donnnnnnnnn Nelson gets some valuable playoff experience
After his daddy and Del Harris (Del Harris are you kidding me?) get ejected as the Spurs spank the Mavs.
Rams fans actively debating whether Adam Archuleta should give Sehorn his #31
Um, is there a wee bitty chance they might be overrating the guy?
Pistons go down 2-0 to Nets...
And David Stern is seen foaming at the mouth.
49ers waive Cade McNown
The moral of the story, yet again: In the NFL an arm of gold won't overcome a head of cement.
Piazza possibly out for year after groin 'popped like a guitar string'...
That's one broken bat Roger Clemens wants no part of.
Annika's group set to play Colonial early Thursday
While there's legitimate pros and cons to letting her play, isn't the point of a sponsor's exemption to stir up publicity? Shut up Vijay.
Ken Griffey Jr. stumbles back into Reds lineup after yet another injury
Remember when we just assumed he'd be the next Willie Mays? For the last few years he's looked like the next Ellis Burks.
NHL: Senators stave off elimination by Devils - claw back into series
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Spurs instruct ticket agency to block playoff tix purchases from Dallas fans
Well, that's one way to help ensure you have a hometown crowd.
Celtics' Chris Wallace to interview with Portland for GM post
If you're a Celtics fan, you're thinking it's too bad nobody's stupid enough to trade for Vin Baker twice.
Singh doesn't play with girls
Annika wants to play a round but Vijay pulls out. That's right, Singh opts to keep his inter-gender golf virginity.
Big East AD's note 'positive' meeting with Miami
Much like Dennis Green had a 'positive' meeting with Jerry Jones about the Cowboys' coaching vacancy.
David Stern and ABC brace themselves...
For the worst NBA finals in recent history. Expect the refs to do all they can to make sure the Nets and Mavs win.
Rod "The Mullet" Beck pitching in minors-living in trailer behind ballpark
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
Sehorn leaning toward signing with Rams
Hey a pompous, washed-up, overrated New York athlete goes for one last shot of glory with the Rams. Where have we seen that before?
Kobe pulls a Webber...
Did anyone put out a missing persons report on Kobe in the 2nd Half? It's one thing to miss a bunch of shots, but he didn't even take many.
NFL committee recommends keeping same number of playoff teams
It's refreshing to see a league that cares more about quality of play and a meaningful regular season than the bottom line.
NHL playoffs: feel the excitement
An expansion team with unknown players is on the verge of eliminating a second expansion team with unknown players. How easy is it to get an NHL franhise? Do you get one for 99 cents when you Super Size a value meal?
Iverson shoots 4 for first 24 - Sixers face elimination
Yes in the end, practice makes perfect. No practice makes you a punk.
First, weed problems, now a championship ring scandal...
Looks like Mark Richt is turning Georgia into F$U North.
StandupSports curse befalls Big East
Just 6 months after being named 2002's toughest conference by SUS, it looks like the Big East may be crumbling.
Magic talking about injury exception for Grant Hill in '03-'04
Expect the NBA to be extra careful about granting exceptions after the Alonzo Mourning debacle a couple years ago, when the "out for the year" 'Zo returned in March.
Jesse Jackson to protest Lakers
Lake Show is now 3-1 with Cleamons while "only" 282-114 with Phil Jackson. "The percentages don't lie" said Reverend Jackson.
Jason Kidd takes last second 3 pointer vs Celtics
Which is about as classy as what Celtics fans were chanting.
Bob Ryan suspended for nasty remarks about Jason Kidd's wife
Well, what do you know?... Mr. Left Wing mouthpiece made insensitive remarks about a player's wife! Bye bye, Bob.
