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2003-08-06 The 2003 Eclair Awards Each year, we examine the scheduling choices made by America's top college football programs and decide which are the the most pastry-laden. For the fifth year in a row, we have chosen a handful of teams which will spend the majority of their non-conference time feasting on creamy, puffy treats. For those of you unfamiliar with our criteria: we only consider major programs (i.e. programs with at least an outside shot at a BCS berth). And we only look at non-conference games. A program cannot control its conference strength, but they can determine who they'll play for their non-conference matchups. Further, we conduct this study with the expectation that even the boldest of gridiron greats will play a creampuff here & there (i.e. the Homecoming game, etc.). To be considered for the coveted Eclair Award, a program must line up a veritable buffet of pastries. With that, we proceed with the 2003 winners: 3rd Honorable Mention (the Cannoli) LSU Entrees: @ Arizona Pastry cart: vs. Louisiana-Monroe, vs. Louisiana Tech The Tigers are a popular pick to win the SEC, and perhaps deservedly so. But aside from a tilt with a middle-of-the-road PAC-10 team, they lazily scheduled two in-state cream puffs as their other non-conference matchups. Louisiana Tech is so-so WAC team, and Louisiana-Monroe shares its name with the wacky neighbor from Too Close for Comfort. That's not gonna get it done, Coach Saban. 2nd Honorable Mention (The Creme Brulee) Texas Entrees: vs. Arkansas Pastry cart: vs. New Mexico St., @ Rice, vs. Tulane This is the Longhorns' 2nd consecutive appearance on this list. Perhaps New Mexico State and Rice are improvements over North Texas and Houston, but it's still a far cry from a respectable slate. Only one (1) of their four (4) non-conference games are on the road, and that's a short 2-hour drive to Houston. They do play an SEC team, but a home game vs. Arkansas doesn't overcome the rest of their selections o' danishes. Texas is a preseason top-5 program, so this sort of creampuffing is especially embarrassing. 1st Honorable Mention (The Bronze Twinkie) Oklahoma State Entrees: NONE Pastry cart: vs. Wyoming, @ SMU, vs. Louisiana-Lafayette The Cowboys are a preseason top-25 program, and are working their way to respectability. In fact, last year they defeated both Nebraska and Oklahoma in the same season -- an impressive feat. We must wonder, then, why they lined up 3 Lil' Debbie Snacks for their non-conference schedule. SMU?! Unless they Cowboys plan to go back in time, before the Mustangs received the "death penalty," this is a sad addition to their schedule. And the "battle of the Cowboys" versus Mountian West wimp Wyoming is hardly compelling. C'mon, folks. You can do better than that. Runner-Up (The Silver Cupcake) Minnesota Entrees: NONE Pastry cart: vs. Tulsa, vs. Troy State, @ Ohio, vs. Louisiana-Lafayette For the second year in a row, the Golden Gophers win the Silver Cupcake. Where to even begin? Well, to start, the Gophers play only ONE team from Ohio, and it isn't the Buckeyes. Yep, they avoid Big 10 foe (and defending national champ) Ohio State, yet somehow find it possible to play a mediocre team from the MAC. Until September 27, when Minnesota heads to Happy Valley to take on Penn State, they will have feasted on a slate of pastries, and boasting a 4-0 record (and probably a top-25 ranking). Sheesh. 2002 Golden Eclair Award Winner Kansas State Entrees: vs. Cal, vs. Marshall Pastry cart: vs. McNeese St., vs. UMass, vs. Troy State It's deja vu all over again. Bill Snyder's program is close to receiving the "lifetime achievement" award of creampuffing with its frequent appearances on this list. Yes, the Wildcats play two semi-decent programs in Cal and Marshall. However, the Cal game was added at the last minute, and wasn't originally a part of their schedule. Marshall has just lost its star QB, and is no more than a decent MAC team. And the rest? Two (2) teams from I-AA, plus Troy State. No respectable program should include a I-AA team on its schedule, let alone two. What an embarrassment. The only way we'd give the Wildcats a break is if Joe Dumars suits up for McNeese State. Otherwise, this is just another example of Bill Snyder's attempt to schedule his way to a top-5 ranking. It's a good thing that the Big XII is as strong as it is -- otherwise, the Wildcats would be a real threat to sneak into the BCS title game on the strength of a schedule filled with creampuffs. We've said it before, and we'll say it again. Kansas State will NEVER be universally respected until they stop their habitual creampuffing. If it continues much longer, we might have to rename this the "Snyder Award." |
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